How Can I Stand Here with You and Not be Moved by You?

I just finished reading a awesome book that a recommend for everyone who is simply a Christian. It's about a woman's life who goes through everyday Christian struggles and her take on life. It's easy to relate to and interesting to read. It's called "Angry Conversations with God" by Susan E. Isaacs. It's very contemporary and progressive. But my favorite part about it is that it is real and honest. It is definitely not one of those John Piper books which talk about deep theological stuff (nothing against those, I love those too) but this book is just a real, creative, and refreshing book about who our God is.

Basically this lady Susan is going through some crazy rough patches in her life (breaking up with a boyfriend who keeps telling her she's the one and seeing him with another woman a week after.... pretty rough...) and she feels that God has left her and is angry with God. So because she knows that we are married to Christ she decides to take God to marriage counseling. She creates this fictitious therapist who is a mix of all the pastors and counselors who really helped her through her rough times and she creates a version of God and Jesus (as if they are there) out of all the ways God has spoken and responded to her.

I just finished the book and I do not want to ruin it for anyone who wants to read it, but spoke to me through this book. He reminded me that life is not about us, it's not about what we want, but it is simply about Him.

This idea is the reason why people have a hard time believing in God. I love philosophy and English simply because I get to see how secular people think and why they think it. It helps me understand them and see where they are coming from. It's also tiring and conflicting at times because in order to get a good grade in the class or understand what they are teaching I have to, not necessarily compromise my faith, but I have to listen to their points and accept them as valid. And the conclusion that I have come to is that the reason why most people struggle with believing in God is because people just simply cannot accept responsibility.

What I mean by this is that people don't like to take or know that they are wrong. We love to point fingers and give excuses. From what I am learning through my Christian walk is that in order to grow you need to and accept your flaws. In AA meetings the first step that they take, and if they do not take this step they cannot go further, is acknowledge that they are an alcoholic. The first step us people have to take is to acknowledge that we are fallen people and we are full of sin.

You cannot just accept this as head knowledge but you must believe it in your heart. Because when you believe in your heart that's when you really accept and embrace this truth. People always love to blame God and not their sin. In my philosophy and english classes I always heard almost everyday, "If God is so good then why is there so much evil?" I heard it from students, professors, and even doctors. Basically they are saying, "Hey God! You kind of screwed up! You're suppose to be perfect and good? Well you missed a few spots.... great job God.... way to go..."

I had a english professor this past year and we were reviewing this book that we read. I completely forgot what book, (hhaha i know i know...) but in this one section of the book the character says, "God why are you giving so much hardship?" and the professor says, "I can relate to this character. You know sometimes I look at this world and I say man... God is not perfect, He is faulty. He is so faulty and imperfect because just look at how He screwed up this world." (like I said I had to take everything they said as valid points if I wanted to learn and understand them, which I think most Christians should do instead of trying to pick a fight all the time. The more you know what you are up against the more effective you can be!)

Well my answer to all you people who are asking that same question is simply, we live in a fallen world and it sucks. It's not God's fault, it's our fault, we screwed up not God. Then people ask, "Well isn't God soverign? Can't He do anything? If He can then can't He just make things perfect?" Well then we will be like robots and be programed to love instead of choosing to love. How would your spouse like it if you gave them a gift and said "Oh honey I did it because I know I have to do it." I don't think they will be falling on the floor for you. I had one person go on to ask, "Well it's still God's fault! He made free will! and He knew we were going to mess up so it's His fault." And that just proves my point because now we are going in circles. Us people do not like to accept any responsibility for our actions, it's never our fault... it's God's fault!

But when you do you finally see how sinful and fallen you are it is a rude awakening because you are worse than you thought you are. In fact we are much more worse than when we think we are at our worst. And when this all becomes real it just poops on your parade and makes you feel miserable. I've had this experience before and I was so depressed for 2 days that I could not sing praise songs. I just said, "How can I sing these songs of love to God when I know I do not mean them."

But the awesome and great part about this is that this is when grace and the Gospel becomes real to you. After I had my experience where I saw the truth I got a taste of how much God loves me because I saw just how unloveable I was and at the same time I saw how God loved me with all His heart. And just a taste of God's love can make you feel so alive.

This is what I beg for my youth group students and small group members to experience. The brokenness of one's sinfulness and the overflow of God's grace. Becuase once you experience, understand, and know this it changes your life forever. Problems become small, you have a purpose, you feel more than complete, and you cannot help but to shout God's name to everyone you know, everywhere you go, no matter what poop life brings you.

How can I stand here with You and not be moved by You.

(i know most of this was just rambling.... read the book it's awesome)

shes on youtube check it out

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K1oGzekYOZY